Right now, I am single, and I have to admit, I love it! I actually love where I am right at this moment. That’s not to say if Mr. Right (in the flavor of Dwayne Johnson, Daniel Craig or Shamar Moore) rolled up and looked into my eyes, I wouldn’t ride happily into the sunset with him. And I do mean ride . . . lol! But, there is absolutely no reason to bitch, moan, and wine in the meantime. It is my intention, to enjoy every bit of my single-dom until I am finally found by couple-hood, and take residence in the house at the end of the block with the white picket fence – or in my case a penthouse condo with a view of the beach!
So you might ask, what is there to appreciate about being alone; about not having a date on every major holiday; about not having a date every Friday night. I say plenty!
2 – Appreciate not having to share your space with someone. I can’t tell you how much I enjoy coming home not having to pick up, clean up, check in, follow up, coordinate with someone about what I do and what I want. There is nothing like the freedom of coming home, eating ice cream out of the carton, taking the last piece of chicken, not having to pick up or step over dirty underwear, or clean up dishes in the sink. There is nothing like ordering a pizza with all of MY favorite toppings and not worrying about if he wants to watch a chick flick tonight or the game! I like making my bed every day, keeping my place neat, having control of the remote, not tripping over giant shoes, and having privacy to talk to my girlfriends about girl stuff without having to leave the room. Having my place to myself rocks!
4 – Appreciate that don’t have to shave, wax, or perform other grooming that can be hidden by clothing. I hate shaving, waxing, plucking, bleaching, combing, curling, etc. When you are single, I love getting back to the basics – a fresh face, easy hair (my stylish pony tail or curly waves), comfy clothes (leggings and sweats or other soft gear), and minimal make up. Not that I do too much more than that when I’m with a man in terms of makeup and my hair, but the waxing and shaving drive me crazy. Even if I pay someone to do it, you still have to keep up with it and honestly it’s not the most pleasant of sensations one can experience with someone else is touching you. And can I be honest – I’ve considered the amount of grooming I’ve had to do, compared to the excitement I had for the date. If I had to shave, wax, or flat iron something to get ready, and I wasn’t excited about him – well let’s just say, I remained hairy and dateless . . . lol!
5 – Appreciate the opportunity to meet and enjoy all types of men. When you are single, you meet the most amazing people, men and women. But I have really had an opportunity to meet and enjoy some really fascinating men from all walks of life, in all colors, shapes, and sizes. It has really given me an opportunity to appreciate men on a lot of different levels. I can appreciate the honorable men who wanted to protect me; the intellectual men, who can explain the most complex topic in a way that I can understand and process; the sensual men who are affectionate and love to touch me and demonstrate their desire for me; the sexual men who embrace their masculinity; the sensitive men who have read me poetry and feed me food; the artistic men who play music for me or cooked for me; and the men who were fathers and supported my choices as a single parent. And it also allowed me to see all men are “not alike”, “not dogs”, and “not players;” that most men are just like women – wanting love, connection, and affection. Yes, yes and definitely yes!
6 – Appreciate hanging out with your ladies. When women get involved with men they usually get on “the man’s train” so to speak. You have to catch them when you can. I love hanging out with my ladies, having girl talk, watching chick flicks, shopping, lunching, spa-ing, and so many other things you can only do with women. We need both a balance of feminine and masculine energy in our lives and we crave it when we don’t have it. So many of my married, coupled friends will say “I needed this,” or “I miss this,” and yet they don’t give it to themselves. As a single woman you can create all kinds of fun and exciting things your ladies will love to do. It will strengthen your relationship – if you are in one – and create a ton of fun for you, if you’re not.
7 – Appreciate not being financially tied to someone. I love spending my money the way I want to spend my money. If I want to do a spa day, I do it. If I want a new outfit, I buy it. If I want to blow it all on black in Vegas, I blow it. That’s not to say I am financially irresponsible, but it’s nice to be able to spend money on curtains, a nice dining room table, or a trip, rather than a play station and a vibrating man chair – ok the vibrating man chair has some redeeming qualities – but you get the point.
It is perfectly acceptable that I focus on myself when I have the space and freedom to do so. I am not talking about being neglectful of responsibilities, I am talking about owning your energy, your time, all of your resources, and spending them as you please without permission or approval from anyone else. It’s self-ish. It’s actually spending what you have on yourself.
Ivy is a stand for people living an extraordinary life. As a human resources professional for over 15 years, Ivy has worked for fortune 500 companies and a prominent university. After extensive training and experiences in both a corporate and higher education setting in the areas of human resources management, career management, employee relations, and training, she chose to work with people to move them forward, preferring to be proactive in her training and coaching rather than reactive.
Ms. Allen coaches in-person or via telephone from her base of operations in Columbia, MD. Coach Ivy specializes in individual, group, and corporate coaching seminars, and workshops focused on personal growth and development. Coach Ivy’s uses modalities that combine intellectual, emotional, and physical integration to raise an individual’s self-concept and self-efficacy. Coach Ivy’s clients are primarily woman, and she focuses her practice in the areas of self-care and self-empowerment, while creating balance, allowing individuals to produce fulfilling results in all areas of life.
Ivy is a graduate of an international coaching school CoachU, Inc., and a certified Life Coach. She enjoys her beautiful daughter, Amira, family and friends, coaching partnerships and alliances, developing and leading seminars, and is always in the pursuit of extraordinary living! A lover of dance (especially salsa), good food, music, adventure, and most especially a lover of dessert, Ivy can be found just about anywhere being who she was born to be; inspiration, empowerment , and love.